A Turn For the Worse
by Booyakalicious
Summary: I like the 'short and sweet' variety. This point-of-view fic is about Fei's feelings regarding the events over Mahanon and shortly after. Enjoy!


Note: Xenogears and its characters are not mine, but are Squaresoft's (Namco has some rights to it too for the Xenosaga series, if you want to get technical.)  
  
A Turn for the Worse  
  
In the course of an evening, I became who I believed was the luckiest man on the face of the earth despite the unfortunate truth that lay before us. In the course of just a few days, I lost who had made me feel that way. Sort of.  
  
When I told her that she couldn't come with the rest of us on the mission to annhilate the Ministry. I knew she was angry at me. After all, I had blown her off. But it was true that the people in Nisan needed her. I couldn't let her go with us when innocent individuals were turning into the wretched Wels. They needed to find healing and hope in someone, and Elly was the girl to be that 'hope'. Everyone was saying that Elly had to be the reincarnation of Sophia, an individual who had been the hope and inspiration for the entire earth-borne world 500 years ago in the war against the aerial country of Solaris.  
  
I had felt like quite an idiot when I walked into her dark room after she had run off. Billy ever had the nerve to tell me that I "didn't know how to treat a lady." Sad thing was that was the blatant truth.  
  
I never took her actual strength to heart, even after nearly have been killed by her. Elly was strong, but also had a fragile side that could break. I had just treaded over that rarely apparent element of he psyche. Maybe if I hadn't gotten into a fight about the whole situation, I wouldn't have caused her eventual explosion of anger and her eventual departure for her room. I could have told her calmly. But on the other hand, she wouldn't have taken the news any way I presented it. She wanted to me with me, no matter what.  
  
Of course, I hadn't realized that. "Good work, Fei," I muttered to myself as Billy brought the point that had been obvious to everyone else to my attention. Now, I felt like a true idiot. Everyone had seen it... except me.  
  
Nisan needed her to stay, and I knew that. That was part of my reason for telling her that she couldn't come, but that wasn't it. I had told her to stay put out of sheer love. Never in a million years could I bear having to watch Elly suffer. Having seen her state after Weltall's crash was enough. If I allowed her to come with us and she perished, I could never forgive myself. The world would be bleak, colorless without her; her departure from existance would leaving me questioning the meaning of my own life.  
  
Sappy as it appeared in my mind, my emotions were true. I had to let her know the true reason for my order to her to stay in Nisan. I walked into her room. She looked up at me. Her red eyes led me to understand that she had been crying. Idiot. You made her do this.  
  
My point had been difficult to make. I kept on diverting away from the importand message by way of an enflated explanation. I was choking... as I stared into her deep blue eyes, I became more and more uneasy. On the other hand, I was being compelled by something entirely different. I wanted to hold her in my arms and feel her; I wanted to kiss her. Along with something else... too selfish. No way I could follow through. I knew Elly wouldn't go for it in a million years.  
  
Eventuall, I just blurted out my main point. The weight upon my chest disspeared quicly, but was replaced by my wildly beating heart. For some reason, I felt nervous. What if she didn't return my feelings? The moments of silence nearly killed me; time seemed to drag as she remained quiet and still. Finally, her straight face broke into a smile. She got to her feet and walked towards me  
  
"I.."  
  
"What?"  
  
She was now very close to me. I could feel her breath against my skin, she was so close. Her eyes locked to mine.  
  
"I love you, too," she murmured. Smiling.  
  
From there, I just let my instincts take over. I took me in my arms and became lost in her midnight-blue pools. My heart beat quickly as I kissed her gently. My mind raced as she returned the favor. I felt relieved beyond belief; euphoric. "I love you, " I murmured again against her lips. Her eyes opened as she moved away.  
  
"I don't want you to leave me. Ever," she said. "But... you have to, and I can deal with that. Even if it hurts."  
  
I stayed silent for one moment, thinking. I couldn't let my desireds destroy my ratonale. Doing so could prove disasterous. For better of for worse, Elly would remember what I was to do for the rest of her life. But... time was growing short. Even though I had told her the oppossite, I feared that my life might even be coming to an end with the mission at stake. I had to let Elly know that my love for her would last until my demise. Staring into her eyes, I took a deep breath.  
  
"Elly, I am not leaving you right now." Once again, I kissed her. She wrapped my arms around my neck as she drew back to take a breath. "Understand?"  
  
She nodded. "Completely," she murmured in my ear.  
  
With each passing moment, I wanted her more and more, I didn't say another word because I didn't know how to articulate it. So I just went a step beyond anything I had done so far. I backed he toward her bed, slowly, as if to stop the second she protested. Gently, I brought her down. "... Is this okay?" I whispered.  
  
"It's fine, Fei." She smiled up at me. That smile let me know... that everything was okay.  
  
***  
  
It had been wonderful. Something that only she could have given me. Something... that was a memory. Like what had happened to her. However, that memory wasn't sweet as the other one had been.  
  
Krellian took her. She came from Nisan to save my friends and I when we were in trouble. Krellian siezed the opportunity and took her. I wanted to kill him for that. He had no right to take her! We went searching for Elly and found her. But something was wrong.  
  
At first, what went happened has just strange. Miang told Ramsus that she would kill him; that there was no meaning in his life anyway. Instead, Ramsus killed her. The strange thing had been that Miang's last words were thanks to Ramsus. In her words, "all of her wishes" had come true. Nobody could have figured out what she was saying. Then, Krellian was killed by Ramsus. I ran over to where Elly was hanging. Then... the unthinkable happened. The image seared itself into my mind, to remain there for an eternity.  
  
Elly suddenly became someone else. She grabbed a gun from Billy and... shot me in the stomach. Through all the pain, I stared up at her in amazement, no, horror. Her hair changed to a deep indigo hue. I fell. "Elly..." I gasped.  
  
Now, Elly was Miang. It turns out that every single woman in this world has the ability to become Miang. Whenever one of Miang's copies dies, her will is transfered to someone else. Along with the hair color, obviously. Someone who had been the woman I loved transformed into a being saying that she was to lead the people to the ressurection of our god- 'Deus'. The facts were overwhelming. She informed us that we were all parts for Deus and our bodies, along with all the others on this plannet were to be used to ressurect Deus. Elly- 'Miang'- said a lot of things. None of these really mattered. All that mattered was that she had entered Deus along with Krellian, who had mysteriously rosen to life, none too worse for the wear. Deus had dissappeared before our very eyes, with her. Even though she was Miang now, I wanted my Elly back.  
  
Now, I'm in a coma, though I can't exactly remember what brought me to this point. Although my body is still, my mind is active. The image of a blue-haired Elly holding a gun to me plays itself over and over again in my mind. I couldn't help but think that this woman who threatened me had loved me seconds ago. My love for her is overwhelming... I can still remember her touch, how she felt, how she tasted. She wasn't the same anymore... her love for me had departed from her mind as her mind changed to that of someone else's. I wanted her to remember how she had felt for me, what we had done, who we were!  
  
I have to get her back. Somehow, she has to become Elly again. To be with me. Until the end of time. I know that now. I know my love for her would continue until my life ended, for better or for worse. Even if she was Miang. I knew I could bring her back. But now... now...  
  
I am immobile.  
  
~*~*~  
  
Concluding Note: I like it. I do. ^_^ Poor Fei. ^^; What do you think? Review and tell all! 


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